Today marks the 11th anniversary of my son meeting Jesus face to face. Engraved on his headstone are the dates of the best and worst days of my life. Over the past eleven years, I’ve grown used to the fact that he is not here with me but it never has gotten easier to handle this day. The feeling of dread begins creeping in at the beginning of the month and builds until the 22nd and usually includes a wide gambit of emotions. This year is no exception.
Yes, I know he’s in heaven. Yes, I know I’ll see him again. Yes, I know God’s will was done in his life and death. And yes, I still miss him and grieve the loss of him daily. He was my son, my firstborn. I never got over his birth and don’t foresee ever getting over his death.
These are the moments I know Jesus loves me and God understands my heart.
No matter how lonesome I am for Garrett, Jesus is always with me – I am never alone.
When I feel like no one could possibly understand this pain, God reminds me that He knows, for His son was KIA – killed in action, too.
When I need to cry and vent my anger and frustration, the Holy Spirit listens and then sends someone to stand in for Him and be ‘Jesus with skin on’ so I can receive a hug that melts the fear away.
Jesus knows my heart. He knows I trust Him. He knows I couldn’t have made it through these extremely tough years without Him and more importantly, I know it.
No, this isn’t a chipper little post to give you a smile for the day, I’m sorry. I hope, though, it can serve as a testimony to the love and mercy our Great Lord and Savior has for you and me. Life is hard and life is good. And Jesus wants to be right in the middle of all of it for all of us.
Maybe, since we know tough times will come to us all and we don’t make it through them without Him, we might want to be at work to bring more people to Him so they can share in His love and mercy.
God is faithful and He will walk me through this day.